Our First Night As a Married Couple

As many of you know, Steve and I decided to save our first kiss and obviously sexual intercourse until we were married.

Some of you thought it is “insane”! In fact, even I, when I heard about leaving the first kiss for marriage thought it was “a little too much”.

The Bible does not give you specific indications of what you can or cannot do, as long as you do not practice sexual immorality (Hebrews 13:4; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5; 1 Corinthians 7:2). Sexual immorality can mean a very vast number of things which surely includes pre-marital sexual intercourse.

In a sense, we believe it is up to each one to draw their own limits and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit. But, we need to be prudent and bear in mind that it is very easy to cross that limit.

Steve and I, from the beginning of our relationship, discussed our own convictions. Individually and then together, we decided that we would have our first kiss on our wedding day.

For me in particular, having had relationships before I truly gave my life to Jesus, I knew kissing would be a big temptation and it would make it even more difficult to exercise self-control.

We felt our relationship was too special for us to compromise it or even allow the flesh to have a clear opportunity.

In the beginning, I am not going to lie – it was brutal! We were so attracted to one another, in what it’s called the “infatuation period”, oxytocin (love hormone) was high  – it was tough!

But as you get to know the one whom you are considering spending the rest of your life with, you care for that person in a way that you do not wish to lead them into sin. On the contrary, you want that person to grow in the Lord and become the best they can be.

We realised we had a responsibility for each other before God, and that should not be taken lightly.

So during our courtship, Steve and I built on a beautiful friendship. We were each other’s best friends, and although the attraction was there, when you get to know someone on a deeper level and care for that person, your own desires don’t matter so much.

On the day Steve and I said “I do” we were marrying each other as lovers and also as best friends. Steve had become my confidant, the one I shared my struggles, desires and flaws with. By leaving physical intimacy aside, we were able to see each other for who we were without being confused by creating physical and spiritual bonds that come with sexual intimacy.

We know that we have a long journey in front of us, where surely some hardships will come our way but we see clearly that God has joined us together and that  “nobody or nothing can break” (Mark 1:9).

Coming back to the title – how was our first night together? To our surprise, it was a little “awkward” at first ? The person you chose not to kiss for over a year now is there in front of you and you “can” finally do it, but he is also your best friend and it seems a little weird at first. Like, “I can kiss my best friend? We can finally be intimate?”

But God was with us! The peace is indescribable! Both Steve and I had had sex before marriage before we had been born again, and you cannot even compare! When God is with you and His peace and blessing over you – it is the best and so much worth waiting for!

If anything, we hope that by sharing our experience you may be encouraged to wait on God and for the one God has chosen for you and the right moment! In no way am I saying that you shouldn’t kiss, that is up to you, your partner and God!

What I am saying is that it is a beautiful thing to obey God and experience His smile over you when you are at one of the most beautiful, exciting yet still vulnerable times of your life!